Pinocchio 2: My Nose Will Grow Now
by StupidSequel
Summary: When Gepetto punishes Pinocchio for getting into a forbidden relationship, he wishes to be a puppet again and ponders the famous question "What if I say that my nose is about to grow?" Pinocchio is quite the rebellious child.


**Pinocchio 2: My Nose will Grow Now**

**(AN: Yay, my avatar! Also, the animation style is CGI. Monstro has the same voice as Pinocchio)**

Pinocchio had just turned into a real boy and thus had to convince all his school teachers that he was indeed the real deal (he had gone before when he was just a puppet). Gepetto had the common sense to record his transformation via camcorder and had shown everyone during a school assembly. Pinocchio was dumped in a biology class, learning about whales. He could hear a loud rumbling outside, and he felt his desk tremble. He saw two strong men wheel a sperm whale into the classroom so that the class could have a more hands-on approach. For the first time in his life, Pinocchio was actually in love. He recognized the whale as Monstro. Monstro was clearly in love with Pinocchio also. Luckily, that school also had a class where you learn to speak whale, but it wasn't on his schedule. Pinocchio's hand shot up.

"May I use the restroom? My eyes fell off in there and I need to retrieve them," Pinocchio asked the teacher.

"Sure," the teacher replied. She believed him even though she saw him with both his eyes. Pinocchio pelted into the hall and eavesdropped outside the "whale speak" class. He could make out just enough to ask Monstro out on a date. He ran back to class and asked Monstro out on a date in whale speak. The whole class nearly went deaf. It's like if you stand 3 feet away from a train whistle going off. Monstro said "yes" in his or her language.

Pinocchio and Monstro decided to go on a dinner date together at an expensive restaurant. Pinocchio was dressed in a tux and Monstro was wearing a tube top.

"We can't let Gepetto know about our relationship. I don't think he would like you very much," Pinocchio whispered in Monstro's ear. Monstro nodded in agreement. When the waiter came around and took orders, get ready to call me weird.

"I'll have a zero calorie deep fried cheesy beefy nacho burrito smothered in vanilla ice cream." That was Pinocchio's order. Zero calorie is no lie. Those food creators were some sort of super geniuses.

"I'll have a whale meat club mex wrap," Monstro requested. Yes, you read that right. Monstro the whale will eat whale meat. Deal with it, my homies. Pinocchio was glancing at his watch every 2-3 minutes as if the food service was on a reliable schedule.

"Hey Monstro, wanna arm wrestle?" Pinocchio challenged.

"Oh yeah!" Monstro said in a way that was identical to the Kool-Aid guy. After 2-3 minutes, they appeared to be evenly matched. When Pinocchio was about to lose, the waiter came by with their food. Pinocchio ate a big chunk of his burrito thingie and easily won.

"Never underestimate the power of PROTEIN!" Pinocchio boasted. Just then he glanced in horror. He saw Gepetto walk in with his new girlfriend who looked like a supermodel.

"Quick, under the table! We can't let them see us!" Pinocchio urged. Monstro got under, and then the table rose 13 feet in the air. The ceiling was 10 feet high at that spot. The table did not break through the ceiling.

"Pinocchio, what is the meaning of this? Why are you going out with a whale? Go out with a girl human like I'm doing! I prolly should have made you carry that damn cricket around for life!" Gepetto's face was brick red. "You are hereby grounded, mister! You are in a forbidden relationship and you may not see her again!" Gepetto spat on the floor.

At home, Pinocchio sat in his room, being miserable. _I bet he wouldn't treat me like a real boy if I was wooden again. I even wonder what would happen if I said 'my nose will grow now.' It's worth a try. _Pinocchio chanted the familiar "I wish" chant in front of the brightest star in the night sky. At last the Blue Fairy came in his room. She was wearing a blue bikini this time. Pinocchio did a wolf whistle.

"I wish to be a wooden boy again," Pinocchio demanded.

"You drag me away from my beach vacation with my boyfriend just to fulfill some stupid ass frivolous wish?" The Blue Fairy said angrily, sighed, and then she said in a tone as flat as her stomach, "Fine." Pinocchio was relieved to hear that she wasn't single, cause she had the perfect body. She shot a cantrip out of her washboard tummy and the next thing you know, Pinocchio turned into the living puppet you all know and love. THE END.

Just kidding. About the end, I mean. Pinocchio felt a pang of fear. He worried about what would happen if he said "my nose will grow now." Would it be no big deal, or would the universe implode? Pinocchio didn't want to play Russian Roulette. He pushed those fears to the back of his mind and thought about the potential window of freedom that was about to open. _Since I'm a wooden boy again, I am ungroundable. I can do whatever I want. Gepetto wouldn't torture a puppet. _Pinocchio kicked Gepetto in the groin.

"Haha! You're an old geezer. Your girlfriend is a hussy," he teased Gepetto.

"So just because you're a wooden boy again now, that means I have to let you off scot free?" Gepetto narrowed his eyes. "I bet you think I'm a senile idiot. Let me tell you something, cedar head. It does NOT work that way. If you insult my girlfriend again, you just might catch me kissing Monstro. You are still grounded. You are an idiot if you think you're ungroundable."

"I'll be good," Pinocchio whimpered. Gepetto yawned loudly.

"That's what I get for producing too much melatonin, what with all that day I spent talking to my hot girlfriend." Gepetto said sleepily. It was only 6:40 PM. After he went to bed, Pinocchio pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Monstro's number.

"Hey, Monstro, can you do me a favor? I need you to come to my house at..." he told him or her the address. "and belly flop on the roof. But be discreet cause my father is asleep and he is like a relationship Nazi."

Twenty five minutes later, Monstro crashed through the roof... but on the side of the house that Gepetto was in. Pinocchio giggled. Gepetto somehow slept through that, and Monstro was somehow perfectly silent.

"Take me away to a fantasy land of wild true dreams," Pinocchio ordered. He and Monstro kissed. They completed the kiss. Nothing stopped them, unlike how it usually is in movies when the main couple is about to kiss, and they get stopped by something. Pinocchio got on top of Monstro.

"Charge!" Pinocchio shouted. Monstro pelted forward several whale lengths. They traveled all day. They stopped at the mall.

"That's a popular place for teens to hang out," either Pinocchio or Monstro said. I don't remember which one. They had agreed to meet at the food court at noon for a dinner date. Monstro bought a shirt at Hot Topic and it somehow fit him or her. Pinocchio was browsing a music store. He nearly barfed at all the country music CD's. He would rather have gotten used as firewood than listen to it. He hates country that much. Actually he feels that way about any music genre other than teen pop. He loves teen pop more than Monstro. Sssshhhh, don't tell him/her. He had a huge burlap sack and shoplifted CD's of every single teen pop star in the store, including Hitler ate Sugar's third album, _Sequelitis 2: The Suckiest Suck that Ever Sucked. _(If you don't know who they are, I made them up. This is an homage to another story I wrote and it could be a continuity snarl). When he was about to exit the door, the clerk eyed him, then nodded.

"What was that?" one of his coworkers asked.

"No big deal. It's just a wooden maintenance robot. Every so often we have maintenance robots scheduled to come in and clear the shelves of unwanted stuff so that the inventory never overflows. This one is about 45 minutes early. Aw well. Can't make everything run on a perfectly reliable schedule." Pinocchio sighed with relief. He ventured out and went to a sporting goods store, a video game store, and a toy store, and in all those, he was able to get away with shop lifting because the workers thought he was a maintenance robot clearing the shelves.

At last it was time. Pinocchio and Monstro met at the food court for their dinner date. Pinocchio ordered a Big Mac at Subway and got one. Monstro had a Tic Tac (Monstro suddenly became self conscious about his/her weight). Dessert was a bowl of spaghetti. Pinocchio and Monstro each grabbed an end of a spaghetti noodle in their mouths and they each slurped it until their mouths touched. He was still thinking about the Pinocchio paradox. _I wish I had no nose! Grrrr! _Pinocchio mentally growled, and then his nose grew. _Oh crap, it can read my thoughts apparently. I take that back. My nose is fine cuz I can smell stuff. _His nose shrank back to its normal length. Someone who sounded exactly like Pinocchio's voice was speaking. It was Monstro.

"I am sooo fat! I should never eat anything other than tic tacs or lettuce EVER! I weigh like 10,000 lbs. Way too fat for America's skinny standards." Pinocchio never noticed that Monstro sounded exactly like him.

"Dude or dudette! We live in Italy. We don't have that warped view." Pinocchio corrected.

"Thank you, my savior!" Monstro cheered. He or she gave Pinocchio a bunch of kisses and ordered the most fattening items from every restaurant in the food court. The way he or she was running, he or she was working up quite a sweat.

_So my nose is set off by anyone who sounds like me? Whoa, sci fi! _Monstro appeared with 22 trays piled high with burgers, quesadillas, deep fried stuff, etc.

"My nose is about to gr-" Monstro started to say.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Pinocchio cut him or her off. "I don't wanna risk anything funky happening." Monstro whimpered and devoured all the stuff on his or her tray.

"Can we go to a swimming pool? I'm boiling hot right now!" Monstro moaned.

"All right. But wait 45 minutes so you don't get a cramp in your tummy." Pinocchio advised. They ventured out of the mall and went to the local swimming pool. He saw the Blue Fairy in her blue bikini holding hands with a buff man who he guessed was her boyfriend. The Blue Fairy climbed up the ladder to the high dive. Her awesome curvy body was so tempting. But he was already with Monstro. She did a couple bounces on the board and flipped through the air. Her shiny blonde hair waved all about and her sexy toned body finally made its way to the pool surface. Pinocchio cheered. Monstro flashed him a "shut up" look. When she climbed the ladder to the pool, Pinocchio went to go talk to her.

"Hey, Blue Fairy, I wish for you to dump your boyfriend and be mine."

"Nuh uh. You made a commitment to Monstro. I'm not granting your stupid wish, you pervert." the Blue Fairy asserted herself. Pinocchio cried.

"Pinocchio, if you like watching people go off the diving board, come watch me." Just after Monstro said those words, he or she accidentally slipped in the pool and filled it with his or her body. All the water had been displaced and was surging all around, flooding the town (just the pool water was. It was the size of your average public swimming pool). The water was about five to ten feet deep all over town. People were trapped in their homes. Basements were destroyed from sewage coming in. Cars wouldn't start. It was just awful. Pinocchio swam on top of a rooftop. A bunch of people were kayaking to go from point A to point B. His heart filled with sorrow when he saw several families on lone roof tops with no way to get to safety. They looked pretty hungry and unhealthy. Pinocchio had an idea.

"I am perfect," he said. His nose grew. "I know that 3+4=9. I know everything. My name is Bizarro. My father is not Gepetto. I am not secretly in love with the Blue Fairy." His nose kept growing with those lies and many more. His nose grew long enough to reach the nearest house with the people trapped on it. They slowly crawled across his nose. He pointed his head to the second nearest house. When he had told enough lies for his nose to just almost reach that house, about half of his nose snapped off due to excess weight. _Better think of a new plan._ He spotted people riding Monstro to safety. _I don't want people to think I'm useless. _He pointed his head back to the first house he saw and he saw that they had left their cat. _I'll save the cat that the family was too stupid to save._ Pinocchio cleared his throat to prepare to tell more lies, but instead, he accidentally blurted out "My nose is about to grow."

**THE END**


End file.
